ok...i have had a lot on my mind lately

[Bernie]

i know i have some things kinda out of character. you all may not see it, but i do. and i am sorry. honestly it is no reason for me to act any differently, but hey...i am human.

i was supposed to go to bed nearly an hour ago, but cannot sleep.....maybe this will help.

that being said. i was venting to a close friend earlier today, and i had typed up a message that i was going to post as a blog on my myspace, but didnt. i just couldnt pull the trigger i guess.

anyway...she said it would be a good idea to share it. well im still not ready to put it on my myspace, but i figured i would share it here....and see what you all thought. if it was even worth posting anywhere.


I'm tired of being a pencil.

in life there are many people, and many types of people. we encounter thousands of them in our life time. i have a theory. we can boil down all of our aquaintances into four catagories.

catagory 1.
the invisible ink pen.(IIP)
the invisible ink pen, is the person we rarely see, but know by name and/or face. we say hi, are cordial with, but as soon as we look away they are forgotten. until they show up again.

catagory 2.
the pencil.
the pencil is the person who know better then the IIP. you make plans with them, call, text, email, myspace, IM, whatever with here and there. but the plans are never cement. this is the person you enjoy hanging out with, but your life does not hinge on it. you can blow them off, and not think twice about it. and of course they are pencils. they are erasable, changable, and just out right deletable. these people are freinds for a period of time. but not necessarily life long.

catagory 3.
the ball point pen. (BPP)
the ball point pen, is the person who you love hanging out with. you would do just about anything for, and will do likewise for you....you think. they trump the pencil anyday of the week. even if you had plans with the pencil for a month, and this person popped up the day of...you would make time for them. this is a person who is assumed to be a life long friend, and is someone you would drop just about anything for.

catagory 4.
the sharpie
the sharpie's are the people in your life that are the dearest to your heart. these are the people that you would do anything for. this is the one group that trumps even the ball point pens in your life. as a sharpie can write right over a ball point pen; the sharpie friend rules your heart right over the ball point pen. these are the people you love dearly, and will literally give anything too. the sharpies are your nearest and dearest.

Conclusion:
i am just sick and tired of giving ball point pen, and sharpie status to people, when all i get in return is pencil. i have come to know that i am a pencil to just about everyone in my life, and well even an IIP others. the thing is i invest BPP time into them, and get erasable and deletable feelings back. argh.

[ibarramedia]

Interesting writing instrument analogy. The sharpie is my family. I know the intent is to classify friends but family and relatives are the only ones i can think of that belong here. At various points in time I have been doing the pencil treatment to various groups of friends,family,etc because of work. My jjob had consumed so much of my life because Of my many responsibilites and my desire to be the best. All or most of us have been guilty at some point in life.

[KP DIVA]

Hey Bernie!!!

This is powerful, powerful, powerful!!! I know exactly what you mean, and I luv the way you have articulated your feelings. My mom has always told me that I may have 1 maybe 2 at the most, very close friends. She always told me that a young child. I never understood why she said that...and after falling out, petty fights, being stabbed in the back, etc...I've finally at the age of 34 realized what my mother meant by her comment

I have a crap load of aquaintances/pencils...but only 2 sharpies/sisters/best friends who will fight until the end for me. I to have tried to have many friends, but it just never works!! I hope that you can one day find that one sharpie that you can always depend on!

[ibarramedia]

Another thing about being a pencil is that your friends at some point in time, have other responsibilities and commitments. I speak from my own personal experience when i say that me and ,my friends can't hang out or go clubbing like we used to. We can't act like we are 21 forever...... Others have wives and kids now. Some are in deep with the girlfriends..

[KP DIVA]

That's true, we gotta grow up...I think it's OK to have pencils...we all have them and we're pencils to some as well. But to me a sharpie is some1 with all of life's events you can go days sometimes weeks w/ out talking....But it's like when you do talk, you all have never missed a beat. No matter how long it's been, when you do call or when they call you....you take that time to be attentive to whatever it is they have going on at that time.


Another thing about being a pencil is that your friends at some point in time, have other responsibilities and commitments. I speak from my own personal experience when i say that me and ,my friends can't hang out or go clubbing like we used to. We can't act like we are 21 forever...... Others have wives and kids now. Some are in deep with the girlfriends..

[SBT]

Hey Bernie!!!

thanks for sharing that with us ;)

[MsGuns]

from posting this on myspace?

[Bernie]

thank you all for your responses. basically with me....

i have one sharpie still in my life. my mom. she is it. my dad, my sister, and all other family members fall into the ball point pen catagory.

where my problem lays is that i have no pencils. i have the one sharpie. and every one else falls into either ball point pen, or IIP status. i dont allow anyone to be a pencil. i either give everyone too much importance....or not enough. i have no balance in my life....really. it is healthiest to have a balance throughout, with exception of the sharpie crowd. that is the elite. i at one point in time had another sharpie but she tragically died of cancer at the age of 21. this was a person i would do anything for, could tell anything, and just was the world to me.

its a matter of finding balance for me. i am glad everyone understands analogy. like i said it came to me in the wake of some dissapointments.



and for not posting this on myspace. well. the only people that would have taken the time to read this, are the people i mentioned in my conclusion. and they may have at the time taken offense. i dont know. i may still do it. but if it is any indication of the last blog i posted there........i had 5 views in three weeks. and one reply. it would have been pointless....and possibly hurtful.

i may still do it tough. i havent decided.

[Shelly]

aww B i almost missed this.

great use of analogies.... and i think we all feel this way at some point in our lives...

justfollow your heart, and things will fall into place.

You cant help who you are or how you treat people..b/ then you wouldnt be true to yourself.

[SBT]

I think you should post it up on Myspace....

Be proud buddy! :D

[Gina]

Hmmm.....wow. My very first post here ;)

*Waves at Bernski*

Well I'd like to think I am somewhere between a pencil and a BPP. But you and I both know I am the first to admit I am THE LAZIEST friend in the world LOL ... so in my defense I cannot be counted :P

(GREAT post BTW)

[Bernie]

Hmmm.....wow. My very first post here ;)

*Waves at Bernski*

Well I'd like to think I am somewhere between a pencil and a BPP. But you and I both know I am the first to admit I am THE LAZIEST friend in the world LOL ... so in my defense I cannot be counted :P

(GREAT post BTW)

:waving:
:hug:
:kiss:

you are definatly a bpp gina....

you know i got nothing but love for ya

[Lisa E]

to read.

Is there a short version?

[Lisa E]

thanks for the duck pciture! Quak!

[Bernie]

to read.

Is there a short version?

hmm...not really...but i will see what i can come up with....

[IslandGirl]

Hmmm.....wow. My very first post here ;)

*Waves at Bernski*

Well I'd like to think I am somewhere between a pencil and a BPP. But you and I both know I am the first to admit I am THE LAZIEST friend in the world LOL ... so in my defense I cannot be counted :P

(GREAT post BTW)

:aloha: Gina! So great to have you here!!!

[IslandGirl]

:nicethread: Bern!!!

[KMS]

WOW I totally missed this. I love it. Would you mind if I shared that on my board Bernie. I don't have to say you wrote it. I think it's great, well written and so true but no one admits it. KUDOS

[KMS]

I have to add something.

I have to sit back and look at myself on where I am or how do I hold people. I have to say that I honestly hold people where they are in whatever level that might be because I have a really hard time trusting people anymore. Many reasons for this and too long to explain and I don't like feeling that way. I hope in time I can change that about myself. In the past, I was way too trusting and had been hurt too many times.

[Bernie]

WOW I totally missed this. I love it. Would you mind if I shared that on my board Bernie. I don't have to say you wrote it. I think it's great, well written and so true but no one admits it. KUDOS

you can post it where ever you want. credit, no credit...no worries....

its just funny.....have had many people tell me it is a great analogy and well written. i can never look at things i write and think they are even remotely good.

on top of that it took me a whole 15 minutes to think it out and write it up. it took me days to actually share it with anyone.....

oh well.


what i have come to realize, is it is important to actually think about how my we care for someone, then think about how we treat them, and where we hold them in our lives. do the people we care the most for, know it?

oh well another thought for another time.

[Shelly]

you can post it where ever you want. credit, no credit...no worries....

its just funny.....have had many people tell me it is a great analogy and well written. i can never look at things i write and think they are even remotely good.

on top of that it took me a whole 15 minutes to think it out and write it up. it took me days to actually share it with anyone.....

oh well.


what i have come to realize, is it is important to actually think about how my we care for someone, then think about how we treat them, and where we hold them in our lives. do the people we care the most for, know it?

oh well another thought for another time.
i think quite often we dont express it enuf thats for sure!

[ibarramedia]

I have to add something.

I have to sit back and look at myself on where I am or how do I hold people. I have to say that I honestly hold people where they are in whatever level that might be because I have a really hard time trusting people anymore. Many reasons for this and too long to explain and I don't like feeling that way. I hope in time I can change that about myself. In the past, I was way too trusting and had been hurt too many times.


Another thing and this is true for the people that know a lot of people, sometimes you can get spread so thin, just giving and giving and giving. Eventually you have to change things for some of your other friends. Other friends alos might have more urgent concerns that require your attention. Another is there is only one of you.